The Gaming Den

than some soap operas out there...

So, I'm still talking about the same girl I always have, for anyone that actually remembers me talking about my girlfriend on here...

anyway, we've been going through some stuff, money's tight, and that always stresses a couple out, and apparently she thought we needed to really sit down and talk, but decided it should wait til after the first because she didn't want to ruin my holidays. Finally, it gets past the holidays, and we start to talk about, now, I've noticed she's been pretty withdrawn, and apparently she thinks we need to take a break, so I summon up all the strength I can, I knew this was coming, to some degree, because I knew our relationship was kinda hitting bottom, we'd talked somewhat, and she mentioned a few things I needed to work on and I had been. So we decided to take a break, and she goes out with friends. She comes home later that night, and eventually gets really emotionally distraught, and decides it was a stupid idea. So we're no longer a break, and I feel better. little bit later, like a day or two, on the ninth, ish, she decides that she really does want to take a break for about a month, so she can feel independent, and I, again, summon up what strength and maturity I can, and say ok. It takes a hell of a lot of strength, because I become very... reliant, I suppose, on significant others, to the point that having someone in my life is really the only thing that makes it worth it (I've got fuck all going on... no job, no things with friends, except a weekly game, and contrary to possible belief, gaming is not point in my life) and I think for me to be able to hold my head high, and say "ok, whatever we need to do" with maybe only a few shed tears, but no weeping, no begging, nothing, I think that takes a hell of a lot of strength on my part, knowing me. Plus, I figure if we're on a break, I can slake my fleshly desires on someone else, as we haven't been having sex. (somewhere in there we momentarily decided to just be non-sexually exclusive, but she decided we needed a real break.)

So, then she asks if she can have the (my) bed (we live together), initially I don't see a reason and just say "do we really need to not sleep in the same bed?" and we go to bed, her quite angry, apparently. The next day or the day after we talk about it and I decide, ok, I'll sleep on the couch while we're on a break, it's not a big deal, I can sleep anywhere. If nothing else, it's a show of respect for her, which can do nothing but earn me brownie points, as one of her issues is she feels I don't respect her.

Another issue is that she's not really sexually attracted to me anymore. This is several things taken together, first, apparently, as good as she has always said I am, I have no sense of rhythm motion wise. This is apparently a big deal... (I am completely open to suggestion on how to fix that, I have no god damned clue...), second she has a problem with my chest and ass. Now, I'm a big guy, 300-ish lbs but a good bit's muscle so it's not like I'm a damned blob, but more of...
fuck it, here's a pic:

that should be a good enough pic so you have some idea of what I look like size wise (yes, that's her beside me). Her problem is she hates the way my ass feels, so she wants me try to tone it (which I'm working on, I need to get in the habit of going down to the exercise room, but it actually felt pretty good to exercise the other day, I'm not sure it's ever actually felt quite so good to exercise, so it's a good start). The other thing, she hates my chest. Now, of course, I'm a big guy, so I have man-boobs, but again, fixable with exercise, which I'm working on. She doesn't much care about my gut, or anything else, but those two areas bug her. Plus, with any luck, my gut should get worked on too, I'm doing crunches and an exercise bike as part of my routine.

Anyway, beyond that, I know she likes the chase, she likes being pursued, and had frequently complained that I never did anything romantic anymore, so I'm working on that too. On nights I game, I leave her a movie, popcorn, candy, a soda, and I've put my writing talent and study of mythology to use by actually writing a short allegorical myth tracking our relationship. I split it into six parts, and planned on writing out two parts of it each week during the break that I had a game, and leaving a rose to go with each part. I screwed up the first week (the other week, no game last week) and wrote out only one part and left a single rose, so this week I wrote out the next three parts and left three roses. She loves roses, and has fifteen-ish dried roses on her desk from various sources (mostly me, actually). My plan is, well, there's one more week before we sit down and have another talk and figure out what we're doing, so another two roses and the last two parts of the myth, which actually includes, basically, my pledge to continue the pursuit, always, because she wants to be constantly pursued, even if I have her. Then the day we're supposed to make the decision, I will present her with half a dozen roses, for a total of 12 over the course of our break.

I need to get better about doing house hold chores when asked, I got better then got worse about it, and she works and I don't, I am the house-wife for all intents and purposes.

Now, fortunately, she doesn't expect my physical problems to be instantly solved, just being worked on, and she says she still loves me, and I believe her (or I believe she did... past couple days she hasn't said it back, even though throughout the break she hasn't denied she loves me, so I honestly don't know what's going on there).

So, I'd welcome advice and critiques from people, especially the, like, handful of women we have on the boards. If anyone's got pointers those are always good, especially if they can help me work on those trouble areas. Our diet is getting better just because my mother helped us out and put up a hundred dollars so we could get some groceries, and we focused on real food; meat, vegetables, and the like, rather than the quick cheap crap we'd been subsisting on. I figure a better diet will help with the body, right?

Count, I don't want you to not respond if you wish, but I know you have particularly dour views on women, and they really won't help here, so please keep any advice you might have off of the "forget her, women suck" track that I've seen come from you so much recently.

I haven't said anything of that nature for a long time. I would be very pleased if at some point, the internet public would stop holding my depressive episode against me, and realize that I don't complain about that anymore.

Women don't suck. There are very nice and awesome women out there. My brother is married to one, two of my closest friends are married/dating them, I know them at work and school. The amount of women that are hateful shrews are actually very small.

From what you say, your particular woman isn't. I'm not going to pretend I know her side of the story, but you make her sound ungrateful, emotionally distant, fickle, and arbitrary. That might be true, that might be a distortion on your part, I honestly don't know. But when you're complaining on the internet about the one you're with, you're obviously not happy with her. I have been in your situation, you are where I was about 3-4 years ago. I don't think I need to remind everyone that ended poorly, and I'm seeing the same thing happening to you.

I don't know hardly anything about this person you're with, and you might be lying out your ass, I honestly don't know. However, if you are feeling the need to bitch about her on the internet and not have her rebuttal, then it might be wise into ending things and removing her from your life.

I'm sorry that I kind of ignored your request to not say to forget her. I would be doing you a disservice if I gave you advice on how to keep her when I think that's a phenomenally horrid idea. Despite harsh words you and I have had in the past, I legitimately want you to be happy, and even though I don't know you very well I don't think you'll be happy jumping through hoops your entire life.

(Although when I went on antipsychotics and no longer cared that I was sucking hind tit in my life, that prolonged my marriage for about a year. I honestly prefer being alone and working on making my life better rather than just being okay with the way things are, but that's from personal experience.)

Count, I'm fairly sure you did make some bad remarks on relationships in general in the recent past. But most important's that you might recall that in Prak's past thread, most people didn't get impressions of her as bad as you did. And again, this one doesn't make either side sound evil or anything like that - so might be viewing things worse than they are.

I apologize for the lack of the actually sought advice.

Count_Arioch_the_28th wrote:I haven't said anything of that nature for a long time. I would be very pleased if at some point, the internet public would stop holding my depressive episode against me, and realize that I don't complain about that anymore.

I apologize. Time seems to dilate online, and I thought that stuff was more recent... again, I apologize.

Women don't suck. There are very nice and awesome women out there. My brother is married to one, two of my closest friends are married/dating them, I know them at work and school. The amount of women that are hateful shrews are actually very small.

From what you say, your particular woman isn't. I'm not going to pretend I know her side of the story, but you make her sound ungrateful, emotionally distant, fickle, and arbitrary.

I do? Meh, she got bored, and I don't think I'm entirely blameless... Hell, I kinda thought I came off sounding worse...

That might be true, that might be a distortion on your part, I honestly don't know. But when you're complaining on the internet about the one you're with, you're obviously not happy with her. I have been in your situation, you are where I was about 3-4 years ago. I don't think I need to remind everyone that ended poorly, and I'm seeing the same thing happening to you.

I don't know hardly anything about this person you're with, and you might be lying out your ass, I honestly don't know. However, if you are feeling the need to bitch about her on the internet and not have her rebuttal, then it might be wise into ending things and removing her from your life.

Didn't think I was bitching.. I look at this more as just letting off some of the pressure in a kind of ramble, and a way to get some advice where it can be offered, from people I at least vaguely respect.

I'm sorry that I kind of ignored your request to not say to forget her. I would be doing you a disservice if I gave you advice on how to keep her when I think that's a phenomenally horrid idea. Despite harsh words you and I have had in the past, I legitimately want you to be happy, and even though I don't know you very well I don't think you'll be happy jumping through hoops your entire life.

hoops? What, pursuing her? meh, really she just wants me to be romantic in whatever way I can. Which is easy, the occasional candlelit dinner, bringing flowers, etc. Really the hard part is to not get into a rut, and actually be in the frame of mind to think about these things.

(Although when I went on antipsychotics and no longer cared that I was sucking hind tit in my life, that prolonged my marriage for about a year. I honestly prefer being alone and working on making my life better rather than just being okay with the way things are, but that's from personal experience.)

And I know I'm a lot happier having someone in my life, and at this point, I want her in my life. I was, at least, somewhat to blame in this, and I certainly fully understand that, I plan to fix it.

nonsense. being a flaming lesbo means (or at least suggests) that you know more about women than I do.

Prak_Anima wrote:
anyway, we've been going through some stuff, money's tight, and that always stresses a couple out,

Fair enough

and apparently she thought we needed to really sit down and talk,

Warning DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER DANGER.

Anytime a woman thinks you "need to really sit down and talk", she has a problem that she does not feel can be expressed within the normal lines of communication within the relationship. This in and of itself is a major red flag.

but decided it should wait til after the first because she didn't want to ruin my holidays. Finally, it gets past the holidays, and we start to talk about, now, I've noticed she's been pretty withdrawn,

Because acting withdrawn with no explanation never ruins anybody's holidays....

and apparently she thinks we need to take a break, so I summon up all the strength I can, I knew this was coming, to some degree, because I knew our relationship was kinda hitting bottom,

You already knew you were hitting bottom.

we'd talked somewhat, and she mentioned a few things I needed to work on

Did *you* also mention anything she needed to work on, or is this a one-way relationship?

and I had been. So we decided to take a break, and she goes out with friends. She comes home later that night, and eventually gets really emotionally distraught, and decides it was a stupid idea.

Okay, lemme get this: the two of you sat down and talked calmly and made a decision together. Then, late at night, tired, possibly drunk and "emotionally distraught" she unilaterally reverses that decision.

That does not seem at all intelligent nor healthy.

So we're no longer a break, and I feel better. little bit later, like a day or two, on the ninth, ish, she decides that she really does want to take a break for about a month,

Looks to me like you are only "off break" when she is emotionally distraught. Is that really a relationship worth working on?

so she can feel independent, and I, again, summon up what strength and maturity I can, and say ok. It takes a hell of a lot of strength, because I become very... reliant, I suppose, on significant others, to the point that having someone in my life is really the only thing that makes it worth it

Perhaps **you** are the one who needs to work on feeling independent.

(I've got fuck all going on... no job, no things with friends, except a weekly game, and contrary to possible belief, gaming is not point in my life)

No friends, no job and nothing else that keeps you going.

Either you are clinically depressed or your girl has been intentionally isolating you. If it's the former, you absolutely need to seek professional help. If it's the latter, nothing I say to you will matter.

and I think for me to be able to hold my head high, and say "ok, whatever we need to do" with maybe only a few shed tears, but no weeping, no begging, nothing, I think that takes a hell of a lot of strength on my part, knowing me. Plus, I figure if we're on a break, I can slake my fleshly desires on someone else, as we haven't been having sex.

Warning DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER DANGER.

For healthy Male/Female couples this is a major red flag. The best case is that one partner is withholding sex as a means of control - which never works beyond the short term.

Personally, in this case I find it more likely that she just doesn't have the guts to dump you and is hoping you'll get the hint.

(somewhere in there we momentarily decided to just be non-sexually exclusive, but she decided we needed a real break.)

Lemme translate: She wants other people, she does not want you.

So, then she asks if she can have the (my) bed (we live together), initially I don't see a reason and just say "do we really need to not sleep in the same bed?" and we go to bed, her quite angry, apparently. The next day or the day after we talk about it and I decide, ok, I'll sleep on the couch while we're on a break, it's not a big deal, I can sleep anywhere.

If it wasn't a big deal, you would not have brought it up.

If nothing else, it's a show of respect for her, which can do nothing but earn me brownie points,

You misspelled "encourage her to take more of my stuff"

as one of her issues is she feels I don't respect her.

That's some dealbreaking bullshit right there.

Either you do respect her - in which case you are with a woman who cannot understand how you feel - and that is not a basis for a healthy relationship.

Or you do not respect her - in which case you are with a woman who you do not respect - and that is not a basis for a healthy relationship.

Another issue is that she's not really sexually attracted to me anymore.

Why is she with someone she is not attracted to who she does not feel respects her? It can't be the bacon you're bringing home.

It's probably because you tolerate her "emotionally distraught" periods and let her take your stuff and otherwise push you around more than other people would.

This is several things taken together, first, apparently, as good as she has always said I am,

Unless something has changed - you were either always good or you were lacking something that is a big deal to her. Either way, she either used to lie to you, or she's lying now.

I have no sense of rhythm motion wise. This is apparently a big deal... (I am completely open to suggestion on how to fix that, I have no god damned clue...),

Normally I'd refer you to a couple edu-porn sites {XXX, NSFW}, but here I really think the suggestion you need is: find a woman who's more easily orgasmic.

second she has a problem with my chest and ass. Now, I'm a big guy, 300-ish lbs but a good bit's muscle so it's not like I'm a damned blob, but more of...
........... Her problem is she hates the way my ass feels, so she wants me try to tone it (which I'm working on, I need to get in the habit of going down to the exercise room, but it actually felt pretty good to exercise the other day, I'm not sure it's ever actually felt quite so good to exercise, so it's a good start). The other thing, she hates my chest. Now, of course, I'm a big guy, so I have man-boobs, but again, fixable with exercise, which I'm working on. She doesn't much care about my gut, or anything else, but those two areas bug her. Plus, with any luck, my gut should get worked on too, I'm doing crunches and an exercise bike as part of my routine.

Exercise is good. Watch the diet too. But you really can't spot-reduce flab.

Anyway, beyond that, I know she likes the chase, she likes being pursued,

Which means that she doesn't like long-term stable relationships.

and had frequently complained that I never did anything romantic anymore, so I'm working on that too. On nights I game, I leave her a movie, popcorn, candy, a soda,

So your idea of doing something romantic is to leave her stuff when your away?

Wouldn't it be more romantic to maybe do something romantic while you are actually present?

Just sayin'

and I've put my writing talent and study of mythology to use by actually writing a short allegorical myth tracking our relationship.

Okay, that's over into creepy-obsessive.

I split it into six parts, and planned on writing out two parts of it each week during the break that I had a game, and leaving a rose to go with each part. I screwed up the first week (the other week, no game last week) and wrote out only one part and left a single rose, so this week I wrote out the next three parts and left three roses. She loves roses, and has fifteen-ish dried roses on her desk from various sources (mostly me, actually).

But also other people, because she doesn't want you and enjoys being chased more than being with someone.

My plan is, well, there's one more week before we sit down and have another talk and figure out what we're doing, so another two roses and the last two parts of the myth, which actually includes, basically, my pledge to continue the pursuit, always, because she wants to be constantly pursued, even if I have her. Then the day we're supposed to make the decision, I will present her with half a dozen roses, for a total of 12 over the course of our break.

Okay now, about that pledge:

Do *you* really want to keep writing allegories and buying roses while she kicks you out of bed, refuses to have sex, decides when you are "on break" or "off break", lies to you and keeps roses from other people for the rest of your life?

If so, then you go right ahead, but that's not what I would encourage.

I need to get better about doing house hold chores when asked, I got better then got worse about it, and she works and I don't, I am the house-wife for all intents and purposes.

If this was your only issue, it's an easy one to fix. Pity it's not.

Now, fortunately, she doesn't expect my physical problems to be instantly solved, just being worked on, and she says she still loves me, and I believe her (or I believe she did... past couple days she hasn't said it back, even though throughout the break she hasn't denied she loves me, so I honestly don't know what's going on there).

Really, you don't know?

Because your post here has given me a very good idea what's going on, and I've never even met her.

So, I'd welcome advice and critiques from people, especially the, like, handful of women we have on the boards. If anyone's got pointers those are always good, especially if they can help me work on those trouble areas. Our diet is getting better just because my mother helped us out and put up a hundred dollars so we could get some groceries, and we focused on real food; meat, vegetables, and the like, rather than the quick cheap crap we'd been subsisting on. I figure a better diet will help with the body, right?

Probably, but depending on your mother to buy food is not a good way to feel independent, nor confident, nor to do anything that makes you attractive to women at all.

Count, I don't want you to not respond if you wish, but I know you have particularly dour views on women, and they really won't help here,

Judging solely from what you have posted, dour views on women are exactly what you need right now.

In conclusion:
DTMFA

Another thing that would help would find some sort of life outside this relationship. Also, find something that keeps you occupied and hopefully makes you money. (I remember you saying your schedule makes it difficult to work a regular job due to other engagements, but something to occupy your time would definitely help.)

People might think I'm looking at this too negatively, and I'm not going to speculate on her issues, but I think you have at least a small self-esteem problem because most people wouldn't put up with what you are.

It sucks, but I'm with Josh on this one. I think that he summed it up best with:
"Do *you* really want to keep writing allegories and buying roses while she kicks you out of bed, refuses to have sex, decides when you are "on break" or "off break", lies to you and keeps roses from other people for the rest of your life?"

I realize that you don't have a lot going on right now, and that is especially unattractive (sorry). However, she is a woman that "likes being pursued", so that means that she is about one step away from leaving. That particular aspect of her personality is distressing because that means that if you get married she is unlikely to stay for the "thick and thin". Personally, that personality aspect renders the person out of the category of romantic love interest (still in the fling, hang out, friend, or date casually category).

I would advise you to continue exercising (try crossfit and P90X, they will beat you into shape) and eating correctly, as well as getting a stable job/house/trappings, because that is what (sensible, smart) women over 25 prefer and you are likely to be in a position of attempting to attract them soon.

I realize that you want this to work quite badly and are going to try regardless of what someone on the internet tells you, and that's fine. However, while you are still trying you need to be setting yourself up for the next one, because this is highly likely to end and is very far from a healthy relationship (I'm surprised she hasn't cheated yet, if she hasn't).

Josh_Kablack wrote:

Prak_Anima wrote: we'd talked somewhat, and she mentioned a few things I needed to work on

Did *you* also mention anything she needed to work on, or is this a one-way relationship?

There ain't much I think she needs to work on. The few problems she has she can't really help too much. People who remember old threads of mine about this same woman will know, somewhat, at least, what I'm talking about.

and I had been. So we decided to take a break, and she goes out with friends. She comes home later that night, and eventually gets really emotionally distraught, and decides it was a stupid idea.

Okay, lemme get this: the two of you sat down and talked calmly and made a decision together. Then, late at night, tired, possibly drunk and "emotionally distraught" she unilaterally reverses that decision.

That does not seem at all intelligent nor healthy.

wasn't drunk, I know how she acts when drunk. She wasn't ready for the break quite yet.

so she can feel independent, and I, again, summon up what strength and maturity I can, and say ok. It takes a hell of a lot of strength, because I become very... reliant, I suppose, on significant others, to the point that having someone in my life is really the only thing that makes it worth it

Perhaps **you** are the one who needs to work on feeling independent.

(I've got fuck all going on... no job, no things with friends, except a weekly game, and contrary to possible belief, gaming is not point in my life)

No friends, no job and nothing else that keeps you going.

Either you are clinically depressed or your girl has been intentionally isolating you. If it's the former, you absolutely need to seek professional help. If it's the latter, nothing I say to you will matter.

It's been this way longer than I've been dating her. I was probably close to clinical depression in high school, but... I guess I'm a bit better about it now. I have friends, we just don't hang out much. They work, I don't, kinda difficult to find time to hang out. And friends aren't much of a reason to live. A close relationship actually gives me meaning in life. The old christian thought "We're here to serve others" is bullshit in my mind, but having a significant other gives me someone to think about other than my self. And I'm not that interesting to myself.

So, then she asks if she can have the (my) bed (we live together), initially I don't see a reason and just say "do we really need to not sleep in the same bed?" and we go to bed, her quite angry, apparently. The next day or the day after we talk about it and I decide, ok, I'll sleep on the couch while we're on a break, it's not a big deal, I can sleep anywhere.

If it wasn't a big deal, you would not have brought it up.

not like it's comfortable, but it helps the relationship for now, and doesn't hurt anything, for the moment. Also, by "have the bed" she didn't mean "can this be mine" she meant "can you sleep on the couch at least while we're on a break?"

as one of her issues is she feels I don't respect her.

That's some dealbreaking bullshit right there.

Either you do respect her - in which case you are with a woman who cannot understand how you feel - and that is not a basis for a healthy relationship.

Or you do not respect her - in which case you are with a woman who you do not respect - and that is not a basis for a healthy relationship.

Or I do respect her but I don't really show it... or I respect her in theory, but practice needs some work.

I have no sense of rhythm motion wise. This is apparently a big deal... (I am completely open to suggestion on how to fix that, I have no god damned clue...),

Normally I'd refer you to a couple edu-porn sites {XXX, NSFW}, but here I really think the suggestion you need is: find a woman who's more easily orgasmic.

she's plenty orgasmic, I think the problem is that the relationship got stale both because of stress and because I got overly accustomed to her.

second she has a problem with my chest and ass. Now, I'm a big guy, 300-ish lbs but a good bit's muscle so it's not like I'm a damned blob, but more of...
........... Her problem is she hates the way my ass feels, so she wants me try to tone it (which I'm working on, I need to get in the habit of going down to the exercise room, but it actually felt pretty good to exercise the other day, I'm not sure it's ever actually felt quite so good to exercise, so it's a good start). The other thing, she hates my chest. Now, of course, I'm a big guy, so I have man-boobs, but again, fixable with exercise, which I'm working on. She doesn't much care about my gut, or anything else, but those two areas bug her. Plus, with any luck, my gut should get worked on too, I'm doing crunches and an exercise bike as part of my routine.

Exercise is good. Watch the diet too. But you really can't spot-reduce flab.

no, but you can spot tone, which, for all intents and purposes...

Anyway, beyond that, I know she likes the chase, she likes being pursued,

Which means that she doesn't like long-term stable relationships.

or she likes feeling wanted?

and had frequently complained that I never did anything romantic anymore, so I'm working on that too. On nights I game, I leave her a movie, popcorn, candy, a soda,

So your idea of doing something romantic is to leave her stuff when your away?

Wouldn't it be more romantic to maybe do something romantic while you are actually present?

Just sayin'

can't do much romantic stuff now, but yes, you're right. On the other hand, I think what I'm doing is romantic in it's own way.

and I've put my writing talent and study of mythology to use by actually writing a short allegorical myth tracking our relationship.

Okay, that's over into creepy-obsessive.

how so?

I split it into six parts, and planned on writing out two parts of it each week during the break that I had a game, and leaving a rose to go with each part. I screwed up the first week (the other week, no game last week) and wrote out only one part and left a single rose, so this week I wrote out the next three parts and left three roses. She loves roses, and has fifteen-ish dried roses on her desk from various sources (mostly me, actually).

But also other people, because she doesn't want you and enjoys being chased more than being with someone.

no, also other people because I was not the first person to give her roses and she dries and keeps roses, rather than enjoying them for a week and then having to toss them. I've got a rose from a high school friend that dried on it's own.

My plan is, well, there's one more week before we sit down and have another talk and figure out what we're doing, so another two roses and the last two parts of the myth, which actually includes, basically, my pledge to continue the pursuit, always, because she wants to be constantly pursued, even if I have her. Then the day we're supposed to make the decision, I will present her with half a dozen roses, for a total of 12 over the course of our break.

Okay now, about that pledge:

Do *you* really want to keep writing allegories and buying roses while she kicks you out of bed, refuses to have sex, decides when you are "on break" or "off break", lies to you and keeps roses from other people for the rest of your life?

Ain't much different than a lot of people's dating rituals. She needs space, I gave her some.

If so, then you go right ahead, but that's not what I would encourage.

to quote sigma in another thread on this board, "I'm not known for being wise"

So, I'd welcome advice and critiques from people, especially the, like, handful of women we have on the boards. If anyone's got pointers those are always good, especially if they can help me work on those trouble areas. Our diet is getting better just because my mother helped us out and put up a hundred dollars so we could get some groceries, and we focused on real food; meat, vegetables, and the like, rather than the quick cheap crap we'd been subsisting on. I figure a better diet will help with the body, right?

Probably, but depending on your mother to buy food is not a good way to feel independent, nor confident, nor to do anything that makes you attractive to women at all.

no, but it's a damn better way to survive and keep the cats alive and healthy than trying to subsist on air.

In conclusion:


DTMFA

??

Count wrote:Another thing that would help would find some sort of life outside this relationship. Also, find something that keeps you occupied and hopefully makes you money. (I remember you saying your schedule makes it difficult to work a regular job due to other engagements, but something to occupy your time would definitely help.)

I'm looking for work, but yeah, I need something else. I've got school, but that's it.

People might think I'm looking at this too negatively, and I'm not going to speculate on her issues, but I think you have at least a small self-esteem problem because most people wouldn't put up with what you are.

yeah, I've got self esteem problems.

I had to look it up too Prak...

DTMFA

thanks tarkis, that's what I thought. I just don't think to look this shit up, I guess.

Yeah, exercise is good for depression, self esteem, and sexiness.

That's what I've always heard.

I have no sympathy for your ridiculous relationship problems which I blame primarily on you.

So I'm going to be nasty and mean and critical and say things which will in no way constructively help you. So seriously, don't read this unless you WANT to be depressed.

No really, I hesitated to post this, and you know I'm an unrepentant asshole who has no sense of restraint when it comes to other peoples feelings. You have been warned!

I could name any one of my single male friends who could handle your "dramatic problems" better than you can without breaking a sweat, hell they, we would enjoy it. In a truly just world any one (or several) of us would be turfing you out on your but and shacking up with the instantly happier girl tomorrow.

Your root problem is that she compromised for a man obviously far less capable of making her happy than she had hoped. Your personal problem is that even with no actual job or notable activity to prevent you from dedicating all of your time to the relationship you are apparently incapable of making it work no matter how many times and ways she gives you chances. And she inexplicably keeps giving you chances despite clearly being unhappy.

Combined with the petulant premise for your earlier relationship complaints I don't think you are ready for the effort required in a long term fulfilling relationship. And I suspect her biggest problem with you is that she is.

I think you should either man up Big time or do the honourable thing and set her free. Not for your own good, but for her.

For best results, have a plan on what you want to accomplish with your workout. When I work out, I don't care about weight loss or anything, I just want to get huge and build endurance. Sure, a smaller man can use that energy more efficiently, but I just want to break stuff, and be able to break stuff for a long time if needed.

Is that sexy? Don't care. But it's what makes me happy.

Yeah, PL, I am manning up. Or I'm trying to.

Count, I've got a goal, toning two muscle groups, don't much care about weight loss, it's an added benefit if it happens.

I'm trying to find something to take up my time other than gaming things... which is what mostly occupies my mind as I'm sure people on here know well enough about by now. I enjoy cooking, so I'm going to start occupying my time and mind with that, I'm sure she'll be a lot more interested in hearing about what I did to make us dinner than what my character did (again) or what gaming thing I'm working on (again). Also I can get a career with that, where as with my mind full of gaming stuff I can get a crappy paying tormenting existence of deadlines and revisions...

Prak_Anima wrote: Count, I've got a goal, toning two muscle groups, don't much care about weight loss, it's an added benefit if it happens.

Might want to tone everything, you can literally throw off your entire posture and gait if you don't do things evenly. A lot of back problems are caused by the lower back being too tight and the abs being too weak, for example.

I recommend lunges for the lower body, and for the chest what you should do is bench press. Do a 10 rep set of weight that's hard to lift on bench press, then immediately drop to the ground and do 10 push-ups, then jump on the bench and press 10 more reps, then 10 pushups, until you literally can't do anything anymore.

Squats are technically better than lunges, but you have to be very healthy to do squats, I don't recommend them for everyone. (I have an old injury that never healed right, I tore my right adductor right out in wrestling practice when I was 14, and from then on it injures very easily. It's way better now than it ever was due to constant toning, but it will still tear right out if I go anywhere near the weight I need to challenge my glutes on squats.)

Basically, to get the best results, you need to literally lift weights until you either puke or shit yourself. I'm not saying you're a weakling if you don't, but to get the best results you need to punish yourself. Injured and pain aren't the same thing. Injured is damage to your body, pain is weakness leaving it.

Also, the basics. Keep your water level up, keep a good intake of calories going in (if you want to build up, you don't want to reduce caloric intake. It's a good way to lose weight, in fact it's really the only way, but if you want to build up you need a good influx of calories.), and I recommend taking a multivitamin just in case. Also, I swear by Creatine Monophosphate supplements. I've tried thermogenics when I was in the brief period of near-mania right after the divorce where I was going to drop 60 pounds and get all the women, but they just made me feel wired, and not the fun kind of wired. Drawback is it tends to be a bit pricey, so you might want to wait until you get some cash flowing in.

A good amount of tone will help a lot all over. I weigh about the same as you, and this is my most recent pic:



Admittedly, I do have a bit of a beergut, and I do suffer the drawbacks of moobies, but people assume I weigh between 40-80 pounds less than what I do (judging by what people say when I ask them how much they think I weigh. I'm a big dude, but people don't realize I tend to scale 280-295 depending on how much water I've been drinking that week.)

Spoiler for tangent.

At least from what I can tell, the count is prettier than me. Appearance seriously can't be that much of an issue because I have a decent number of girls that express interest in me on a regular basis and I'm pretty much an ugly son of a gun.

Koumei wrote:Oh, one thing I have to add is that you really need to do something about your depression and dependency issues. No really. And I feel I have the right to say that because they* played a large part in my own breakdown.

I've now noticed a similarity between the way my dog acts now (when I leave the house, or my sister does, he lies by the front door/sits starting out the window for quite some time, and then gets very excited upon return. He likes to just be in the same room as his people, and tends to always just be there, often watching one or the other, and is always after attention) and how I was when I was living with my former best friend.

It's unhealthy, it hurts, and it traps you into a downward spiral where it just gets worse and is harder to break, right up until the point where something happens and she leaves and then the next thing you know, you're walking home from the shopping centre with a big bag of carbon BBQ fuel and suddenly the drugs kick in and you feel that you're no longer experiencing your own life, just an emotionless observer so you don't end up inhaling carbon monoxide death and instead just leave the place and find that you don't know what you're going to do with your life and things somehow seem worse than they were even though technically they're getting better and two years after the fact you're still dreaming about her and waking up in tears and sometimes you just want to split the world in half and... where was I?

Yeah. You need to fix that. Unfortunately, there IS the problem where, if you get diagnosed with depression, doctors no longer feel the need to take you seriously when you have any other problems - at least that's what I've noticed, though I eventually managed to find some doctors who do assume a person can be depressed and also able to tell when something is wrong with their body.

Oh, and one last bit of advice: always have an emergency plan, in case things do go sour. It doesn't even have to be particularly healthy. Seriously, keeping a small cache of narcotics on hand for "Things are super bad, I need to be happy NAO" is much better than not having anything to provide fake happiness when really needed and just eating a bullet instead.

*well, my depression and dependency issues, obviously.

well, not much one for suicide, thought about it before, but in my view it's as pointless as life, and living takes less effort. Not much one for drugs, but I've got a bottle of damn good, strong wine in my fridge and I'm learning to enjoy wine anyway, so I've got that if I really need it.

I'm thinking that to take my mind off of gaming and make myself more interesting I'm going to focus more on learning to cook, I want to own a restaurant, and I want a culinary degree, so maybe I should actually work towards that stuff... and I think I'm going to start working on a webcomic again. I've tried in the past but nothing ever got online, or much past a handful of strips. I've also got various types of homework I should be doing.

I'm a year older than her. Really, for all intents and purposes, I'm what she looks for, taller than her, protective, etc. I just need to work on physical things and not take her for granted.

I'd love to have a job and bring in more than the $300 unemployment gives me each month, but the economy sucks and I'm not an outstanding prospect for employers.

I'm working on getting a job at a dialysis center, if I can get it it's three shifts a week, ten hours a shift, and $10/hour. It'll bring in four times what Unemployment does, and about twice what she does.

Prak_Anima wrote:Yeah, PL, I am manning up. Or I'm trying to.

Count, I've got a goal, toning two muscle groups, don't much care about weight loss, it's an added benefit if it happens.

Try better. You're seemingly only interested in improving the parts of your body she tells you to.

Prak_Anima wrote:I'm working on getting a job at a dialysis center, if I can get it it's three shifts a week, ten hours a shift, and $10/hour. It'll bring in four times what Unemployment does, and about twice what she does.

If I could punch you in the throat out of jealousy, right now, I would.